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Princessisms Part 1

Princess has always had an excellent vocabulary and impressive eloquence. As the first child and first grandchild, she was exposed mostly to adults and I think that’s why she picked up on speaking so quickly.

When she was two, she could tell you that photosynthesis was how plants made food from sunlight. I have to credit Chris Rowland’s (formerly Ray Cycle) music for that.

(Honest mommy side note: I’m being polite here. The kid’s obviously a genius and way smarter than everyone else’s kid. C’mon, you know the same is true about your kid.)

Still, there are moments I’m reminded that she is, indeed, new to this planet. Her understanding of certain concepts, while quite logical, lacks experience. It can be very funny. Here are some examples:

1. Ambiguous Pronouns and Deciduous Trees. I think this was even before Princess turned three. Driving on a somewhat rural road, I pointed out that the trees’ leaves were turning pretty colors and falling off. She asked me why the leaves would fall off. I said, “It will be cold soon, so the trees drop their leaves so they don’t freeze.” She thought that was silly, “because blankets keep you warm!”

2. Becoming Royalty. Princess is told many times a day that she is a princess. I like to give her a reality check once in a while by reminding her that she’s only a princess because I’m the queen. When my brother got married, Princess was honored to be their flower girl. She’d never been to a wedding so I was trying to explain the details to her. I showed her pictures of when I got married. She had a good question: “Is that the day daddy became a king?” Of course I didn’t blink or even pause. I just said yes.

3. Licensing and Certification. Shortly after our ski trip (referenced in “Whiskey’s in the Cabinet”) my parents took Princess to a camper show. They stopped to look at a beautiful, fully-loaded, celebrity-tourbus-type Class A. Unimpressed by the granite counters or fully functional fireplace, Princess wanted to sit in the driver’s seat and pretend to drive it. Unfortunately, it was occupied by a sales representative. She asked the salesperson if she could sit there. He laughed, told her no and asked if she had a driver’s license. “Well, no,” she answered, “But I did go to ski school,” she countered, and then sheepishly admitted, “but I’m not married yet.” I’m not quite sure what this says about my driving or what she believes the requirements to be.

4. Musical Composition. My husband has implied that I must have has an affair with a Von Trapp because living with Princess is like living in a musical. One day, she was singing along about “mommy and daddy take me to the playground…” Or something along those lines. I asked her if it was a song she’d written. She quickly said no. I prodded her about where she’d first heard the song if it wasn’t an original. She said, “I didn’t hear it anywhere.” I told her that means she wrote it. “No, I didn’t write it down Mommy, I don’t know how to write it. I just made it up in my head.”

5. Ikea as a Vacation Destination. March put Princess in her first semester of preschool. The routine of school delights kids this age. Weekends, snow days and national holidays are disappointing and hard to understand at that age. Then, April vacation rolled around and really messed with Princess’s head. The week before, she mentioned she wanted to go to Ikea (she loves that place.) I told her that was something we could do on her vacation. She got all excited, thinking about last summer’s vacation to Strawberry Park, I’m sure. “We’re going on vacation? Where are we going?” I told her we weren’t going anywhere, she was just getting a break from school. Of course this was awful, Princess didn’t want a break, she loved school. I told her even if she didn’t want one, Miss A, her preschool teacher, certainly deserved one. Again, she was totally stoked. “Wait? You mean I’m going on vacation with Miss A? Are my mom and dad gonna be there?” The conversation just got more confusing after that. I think by the time I changed the subject, she was convinced that she and Miss A would be spending the week alone, jumping on beds, sitting on tiny stools and eating Swedish meatballs to their hearts’ content.

Oh the things she will learn no thanks to me. Sigh. And there are more of these I will share soon.

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