Guys Getaway Weekend vs. Ladies Getaway Weekend

20130326-143245.jpgMotorMommy just got back from a truly phenomenal weekend in Vermont. For the last decade, in early spring, some or all of about 30-40 of my female friends and family travel to Lake Morey Resort in Fairlee, VT for a Ladies Getaway weekend. The resort has been conducting these ladies-only weekends for 13 years now, and the weekends almost always sell out completely. A while ago, they had to add a second weekend to meet the demand and now both weekends sell out each year.

Offerings at the event include 3-4 activity options at any given time all day. These options include water aerobics, Yoga, Zumba, hair-braiding class, soap-making class, cooking class, chick flicks, social security planning, weight loss discussions, wine tasting, mixology and lots, lots more. Also available are spa treatments, psychic mediums, chair massage, henna tattoos, and a boutique with handmade jewelry, crafts, and soaps. Of course, the bar opens promptly at 12:00 pm, so that’s also a convenient option. Nights include DJ dances, live music, comedians and trivia.  The collage to the left are my favorite things- some drinks, an acoustic guitar player, view of the resort from my morning run, etc. (Also got new collage and font apps for my phone, had to try them out.)

While all of these activities are wonderful, the real draw of the weekend for most is the fact that while not explicitly stated, it is generally understood that there are to be no husbands or children. So from 10 am on Friday until 2:00 pm on Sunday, I didn’t change a diaper, make a snack, or explain why you cannot have swedish fish for breakfast for the 15,357th time. It was delightful.

Anyway, every year while I’m there I think about how there’s no Guys Getaway Weekend.

It is always fun to imagine what sort of activities would draw guys to a resort for the weekend. What schedule of life enrichment would draw them in? What could they hope to escape to? I actually think that I’m off to a good start with a weekend compelling enough to pack a large resort. Enjoy and please, comment with classes you think should be added to the itinerary.

And, if any resort picks up on this schedule and decides to run with it, I only request that my husband be allowed to go for free and that someone carefully monitor his tequila consumption.

Guys Get-A-Way Weekend Agenda

Power Tool Room Open all weekend, this room is stocked with the latest in power tools that are noisy, expensive, and create a lot of dust. Also supplied are wood, concrete and fasteners. Enjoy! These are yours to play with and remember, there’s no women here to suggest you should actually fix something or make something. Just start a project, make a mess, and move on!

Entertainment:

Friday Night: Big Bonfire- We’ll start the fire, you bring the “bon.” Pallets, trees, refrigerators, chairs- you bring it and we’ll burn it. Materials such as plastic or sharp nails, etc. are not a problem. There will be no females here with mamby-pamby warnings about projectiles or fumes. Please, no pets, children, or wives.

Saturday Night: Exotic Dancers- You can’t touch them, and you probably wouldn’t want to, but they’ll be here, wearing ridiculous shoes, calling themselves cartoon names, dancing to corny music, pretending they like you and calling you things like “big boy” and “stud” while taking your money!

Class Descriptions:

Best Conversation Ever- Come on in and chat with us. For one hour, we’ll ban original conversation. Everything you say must be a direct quote from a movie or TV show.

Plot?! We Don’t Need No Stinking Plot! Another entertainment discussion group, we’ll be talking about our favorite rural, power-tool/construction-equipment/boat/truck -operating guys and gals who love to yell at each other using very poor English while performing life-threatening tasks in some of the world’s most dangerous places far, far from the civilized world. Deadliest Catch, Ice-Road Trucker, Axemen, Swamp-something-or-other or one of the 15 survival-shows-set-in-Alaska fans, this is the discussion for you!

Wife-Repelling Smoke- Is there anything worse than sitting down with a nice glass of scotch or beer and having a woman come over and want to talk? Here, we’ll discuss which sticks to light on fire and breathe in to make sure females stay away. Which works best, the fat, expensive stinky cigars? Grape Swisher Sweets? Let’s all share so we can head home and have quality time alone with our smart phones.

Sports Trivia Spout-Off- So what if it’s useless, irrelevant, and girls don’t seem impressed that you know it? We’re impressed! So come tell us which football player has the most rushing yards in a yellow shirt with red socks, or which teams have the worst World Series records when the third game occurs on an odd-numbered day, or which WWE wrestler has fought the most chicks in cages. Can’t wait to hear it!

Flatulence is Fun- Don’t forget to drink lots of beer and eat lots of chili at the Bonfire on Friday night because Saturday morning we’re going to let it rip! Loud and stinky style!

Special Three Hour Session: Video Gaming- Rather than actually play together, we’ll divide into two rooms and play over the network and yell obscenities while we try to kill pretend people and things. Bring your headphones and controllers.

YouTube: We’ll try to find the best videos of stupid stuff, people getting hurt, naked/almost naked girls and things being destroyed and/or caught on fire. We’ll discuss which ones we’ll need to turn the sound off at work and/or home and which ones should only be watched alone on our smart phones.

Finding and Exploiting Your Buddy’s Weakness We all have that one annoying guy in our group that gets under our skin because he hasn’t embarrassed himself in a while and is cool and funny all the time. Here’s how you can identify his weak spots and get started mercilessly harassing him for them right to his face like you do the rest of your friends.

Big Boy Toys- So what if you can’t afford any of these sports cars, boats, dune buggies, RVs, etc., right? You still know all their specs and exactly how you’d modify them if you’d own them. Lets look at pictures of them and discuss them and where we’d keep them.

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